Unthankfulness, Confusion, and more.
Three Problems:
1) My closest friend is pissing me off
2) My ex-friend(?) is making me pity him
3) My feelings overall are confusing me :/
So, to start off I’m just gonna say quickly that school is going pretty well for me. I have one class this semester, and so far i’m doing decently at it. Moving on
Yes, the annoying friend.
Thing is, she’s a pretty awesome personality and all, and I respect her for who she is. My only problem with her is that she is SO lucky, oh.so.lucky. And she still doesnt seem to see that. It’s not as if she’s complaining that much, its that the things she has arent as valuable to her as i see it.
Case in point (actually, i’ll list two):
Her parents are super flexible. They let her do pretty much whatever she wants. Just earlier this year she got to go to Texas. By herself. Never in hell would my parents let me do that, jussayin’. Comes back and complains about how she didnt get to do as much as she wanted to there.
It’s not even that, her parents get her these awesome stuff that she just turns down. For god’s sake, how does a Kindle, a TV, and 50 dollar roses sound like a bad thing?
Well, i’m not going to blame her entirely for this, the reason she wasn’t happy about those things was because she’s convinced that her parents spend their money too frivulously and that if they continue to, she wont have any money left for college.
Also, there’s also this one guy she keeps ignoring. He apparently loves her, and wants to show her that, but she just keeps ignoring him. Now, I’m not asking for her to date him or anything (because we arent technically allowed to do that ‘till we’re older. Muslim rules and shtuff). I really just want her to speak to him as a civilized person. To just reject him in a kind way, or maybe not at all. She’s not even making the relationship between them work, even in the more platonic sense. Oh, and her excuse is that she’s nervous about what to tell him. now, there were complications between the two, but i really can’t give her excuses for the way she’s acting now. Poor guy is killing himself over it.
All that aside, I want to address one more thing. The reason she went to Texas was because she wanted to visit her best friend. And i’m totally cool with that, in fact i feel like a total bitch with what i’m about to say…but here goes.
Ever since her best friend left to Texas, this girl (let’s call her Lola) has been talking to me more and more. It’s as if I’m some sort of a replacement. Whenever Lola’s friend (lets call her Skylar) does something that bothers her lately, she always comes to me either to hang out or to talk to me. Thing is, she usually goes off on a tangent about Skylar, and since i’m not Skylar’s biggest fan I usually start saying some rather mean or bold things about her. At one point I even told Lola that maybe Skylar wasnt really a good friend since she didn’t bother to keep in touch.
And what usually happens after that is that she agrees with me for about 30 seconds, then starts to elaborate on the point. Conversation ends, and the next day i get this really long lecture about how our conversation last night wasn’t a right one. Here, lemme give you an example:
“Hey I wanted to apologize for our talk. I just kept pushing the blame away from me, but the truth is I do keep blaming myself. I know Skylar is really forgetful, and she is a good person and stuff, but it’s distressing being her friend sometimes. I feel bad about being distressed about it, because that’s probably not her aim. Regardless, I don’t wish to speak of these things again, for they are the products of selfish thinking and bear no meaning in our friendship, only serving to hurt you and make the conversation dreary.”
Really, are you serious -_-. If only she knew how disgusting I feel when she tells me this stuff after a long and deep conversation about someone I don’t hold the highest regard to.
Jeez-us.Moving on to pitiful friend.
So, me and (let’s call him George) go back quite a few years. We met in the fifth grade as a result of being in the same class. It took a while, but we started to talk-a lot. We’d spend hours on the phone and had some serious conversations. A lot of them concerned Lola. Yes, you guessed it, this guy was the one who’s head-over-heels with Lola. Anyways, so after eighth grade we had pretty much become some pretty close friends, told each other anything, the whole shah-bang.
Then High-School started. And we actually went to the same one. Thing is, the highschool we went to was/is really stress-full and difficult, and it affects people in the strangest ways. In George’s case, he went all hateful on everyone from our old school. All of our mutual friends he shunned, one by one, in different ways. He went from that sweet, chill guy to a total asshole in a matter of months. And eventually, he got to me. And let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty. From nasty Skype chats to blocking on Facebook, we eventually avoided eachother in school. He drove me to the point of breakage, not entirely because of the damage he’d done to me, but more because i was desperate to get him to tell me what was wrong. I never got to have that conversation, though.
Months passed, and I was so consumed with the problem of George’s attitude change that it affected my school work. That was when i realized that this had to be of either one of two things: Either i loved him, or I cared for him like a brother and for sanity’s sake I chose the second option.
One day, though, things changed. George and I were in some class, avoiding eachother as usual when we were put into a group to work together. Thankfully it was a group of three, and it wasnt as awkward as i had anticipated. In fact, just as the class had ended George suddenly called over his shoulder, “Sorry”.
I stopped in my tracks, tried to make sense of what was being said. Then i decided to just go with it and move on in life. I had anticipated some sort of a dramatic apology, but at this point i was just glad that we were settled down on that issue.
Now, most would ask what the problem with this is. And for the longest time i thought that Goerge had moved on in life. Moved on from our middle-school friends, from lola, from our friendship because it never went back to what it was.
But i was wrong. Almost a year later in a chat with Lola she suddently started to talk about George. Only this time, she was talking about a blog that he had made.Apparently he had sent her the link and expressed his feelings about her in many blog posts. I guess you could say that it inspired me to make a blog, and surprisingly, even lola.
However, i can’t for some reason stop myself from checking out George’s blog every now and then. Mostly because i can relate to his writing and that it tells me a little more about his life now that we don’t talk as much anymore. One thing i can’t get past is what he writes about. His writing style is unique, draws a person in. And it doesn’t help that he writes about his regrets about Lola and treating all our mutual friends like crap. Just makes me think that if he sees what he did wrong, then why not try to fix it?
Ugh. this post is long, bitchy, and filled with grammatical mistakes. Gonna regret posting it :/
That is all though.
-sign off-
